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July 9, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Republican National Committee announced Tuesday that they have selected Cleveland as the host of the 2016 Republican National Convention. Which is great news for Clevelanders because, even if...
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July 23, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. After leaving rehab, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford held a press conference in which he described himself as “healthy as a horse.” And, if that’s the case, get ready for another outbreak of hoof-in-mouth...
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August 25, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Friday, the Washington Post announced that its editorial board will generally avoid using the word “Redskins” when referring to Washington’s football team. No word on whether the same rules will...
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September 29, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. Chelsea Clinton gave birth to a healthy baby girl early Friday morning in New York. “No Bill, you’re using it wrong,” said the guy who passed out the cigars. 2. Detroit Lions quarterback Matthew...
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November 5, 2014 – Monologue Jokes
1. FIFA has apologized to Ukraine for an error during last week’s presentation of the 2018 World Cup logo in Moscow which showed the Crimean Peninsula as part of the Russian Federation. Although, to be...
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November 17, 2014 – Monologue Joke
1. Tennessee Titans tight-end Chase Coffman has been fined $30,000 by the NFL for hitting a Baltimore Ravens assistant coach on the sidelines during a game last week. But, on the plus-side, at least...
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April 13, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Hillary Clinton announced her candidacy for president in 2016 saying she is “hitting the road to Iowa to start talking directly with voters.” “I don’t know what Iowa voters did, but, from...
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April 17, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, a video surfaced online of ESPN sideline reporter Britt McHenry unlashing an ugly barrage of insults on a tow-truck employee. And, as far as internet videos of ESPN sideline reporters...
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May 18, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Saturday, American Pharaoh won the 140th Preakness Stakes, the second leg in horse racing’s triple crown. Although, in reality, all the horses were losers because, when the race was over, they...
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May 22, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Actor George Clooney said when he proposed to his wife Amal he was down on his knees for 28 minutes. But that’s only because he left his Life Alert bracelet at home. 2. Former New England Patriot...
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February 12, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, the Congressional Black Caucus endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. An endorsement that would have helped out a lot more eight years ago. 2. According to a new study, toddlers who...
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April 7, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Earlier this week, while trying to court the vote in Wisconsin, Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz said he “likes cheese on his cheese.” And, from the way he looks, I’m willing to bet it’s...
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April 19, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Judaism’s Conservative movement has lifted a ban in place since the 13th century prohibiting Jews from eating rice during Passover. Said Jews, “Any new developments on bacon?” 2. Sunday night, the...
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May 2, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. The head of Apple’s marketing department said that iPhone and iPad names should never be pluralized, it’s grammatically incorrect. Which is not a problem for Microsoft’s Zune, because no one has...
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July 11, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Actor Johnny Depp altered the tattoo he had of former wife Amber Heard’s nickname on his knuckles to read “scum.” Oh Johnny, if only it were that easy to erase all of your mistakes: 2. The world’s...
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September 30, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Monday, over 80 million viewers tuned in to watch the first presidential debate, which beat Monday Night Football. Apparently viewers decided to skip watching people getting concussions in favor...
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October 24, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Last week, Vanilla Ice’s wife filed for divorce after nearly twenty years of marriage. Begging the question, what’s half of nothing? 2. During Thursday night’s Al Smith Dinner in New York,...
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Monologue Jokes – October 31, 2016
1. According to reports, Hillary Clinton is considering Vice President Joe Biden for the position of Secretary of State in her would-be cabinet. So heads up Chancellor Merkel: 2. Thursday evening, the...
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April 21, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. New England Patriot defensive end Alan Branch said he decided to skip going to the White House to meet President Trump on Wednesday because he “couldn’t shake his hand and look my daughters in the...
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April 26, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Experts say that software vulnerabilities in an app that allowed Hyundai cars to be started remotely made the company’s vehicles susceptible to high-tech robbers. Luckily, the company’s back-up...
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